Why, you ask? Because something incredible is happening as we speak. Something no one thought possible. Something that will go down in annals of history as the definining moment that changed the world as we know it. Generations have waited for this moment. Protests were launched for it. People risked their lives for it. And the moment is this: I'm going on a diet.
Yes, you read it right, and you read it here first. I am going on a 7-day detox diet. You may have thought that I was going to comment on the crisis in Egypt, but there's enough coverage about that historic event already. On the other hand, not a SINGLE newspaper has come to me to talk about my diet. So I've decided to take matters in my own hands and blog about it.
You see, when I got back from New York earlier this week, I planned to blog about all the insane amount of food I had eaten there. And believe me when I say this: it was insane. Just making a list of all the different things I ate took up an entire page. Going through the list also helped me resolve the mystery of my expanding waistline. I knew that something had to be done. And so I decided to do the 7-day detox diet, not really to lose weight, but mainly to cleanse my palate, so I can try to stop being in a constant state of craving. Today is Day 1, which is only fruit and veggie soup. To say that it's not going well would be an understatement. I see cupcakes floating around me, and people are starting to look like banana pudding. I'm sure there's something wrong with this picture, but I just can't figure out what.
On a related note, I'm sure you are aware that there is a lot of eveil in this world. And some of these evil people have no shame and would never think twice about sitting next to you in the cafeteria with a plateful of raclette, KNOWING that you are on a diet. I demand that such people be slapped. Some other people will also have no shame and will bring up the names of all the wonderful things that you ate while in New York. Such people's heads need to be shaved. And on that not-at-all violent note, I'm going to make me a wonderful fruit salad and have some delicious (not) soup. If I'm alive this time next week, I'll be back. If not, well, it was good knowing you. May the force be with you. Amen.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
New York, New York!
Oh New York, how have I missed thee. Ten minutes into being back in the city, I was under a dual pronged cold and wind attack, witnessed a large woman yelling at a cab driver, and sat in a cab that smelled really bad. And I felt like I was home.
I'm not going to lie, most of this week has been spent eating and shopping. I'm staying with one of my best friends for part of the trip, so there has also been a lot of "chin wagging" going on. That's right - apparently I talk so much that I'm considered a "chin wagger". Certain people from the Land of the Queen coined this phrase to specifically be able to describe just how much I talk. One day when I'm done being mad about it, I might even find it amusing.
Anyway, I digress. Due to the fact that I'm only back for ten days, each meal matters. So the day I landed, I went to the nearest Chipotle, had a veggie burrito bowl, and cried in joy after the first bite. After being able to check off one of the food joints off my long list of restaurants, I made my way to Fifth Ave. By this time, the wind had picked up and I was also under the influence of food, so before I knew it, I was walking out of Aerosoles with a pair of boots. I don't quite remember how that happened. One minute I was simultaneously cursing the gods because of the frigid weather and thanking them for inventing Chipotle, and next minute I found myself holding a pair of brown suede boots. I guess god does work in mysterious ways.
The next day, I went to Crate and Barrel with a handy list of 54 items that I needed to buy for my new apartment in Zurich. I ended up buying out pretty much the entire store. I believe they shut down right after I was done because they ran out of everything. In fact, I bought so much stuff that I needed to make three trips to carry it all back to my friend's apartment. I made two trips that day alone, and decided to make the third and final trip the following day.
I went to Macys yesterday, and I kid you not, I just lost it. Do you know just how hard it is to find petite clothing in Europe, where everyone is 800ft. tall? You think solving the economic crisis is challenging? Try being five feet tall in a country where the average woman is 5'8. You will understand devastation. And only when you have experienced such devastation will you truly appreciate the power of Macys. Swimming in a sea of petite sized clothing and hanging out with Michael Kors handbags while coveting Via Spiga shoes was just too much for me to handle. I was walking around the store looking like a freak, with a huge smile plastered on my face. I think I scared all the sales associates at the store. One of them even came up to me and asked me if I was alright. I have lived in New York long enough to realize that no one really smiles here, so I immediately understood her concern and rearranged my face to depict a sulk, which was a much more appropriate look for the city.
After I was done with Macys, I went to Kati Roll (another one of the places from my list) for a quick lunch, and suddenly found myself holding four different dresses in the dressing room at Lord and Taylor. The exact events that led to me getting possession of these clothes are a blur, much like the Aerosoles incident from the night before. By this time, exhaustion was starting to rear its ugly head, but I was determined not to let it win. So I decided to mix it up a little and ended up going to Barnes and Noble for a bit and picked up a few books.
All this culminated in me going to Crate and Barrel to pick up part 3 of my shopping collection. Even the sales associate who brought out the remaining items from the warehouse looked at me in awe. Probably because he was thinking, "how can a tiny person like you POSSIBLY need SO. MUCH. STUFF?" But I like to awe people and boggle their mind, so I just gave him my best mysterious look and left the store with a grand total of 4 bags and 3 boxes. The associate wasn't sure how I'd even make it out of the store with so much stuff. But if there's one thing a woman knows, it's how to shop AND how to haul it all back.
This weekend, I've decided to take a mini-break from shopping, in order to devote all my attention to eating. I am visiting family in Jersey, and have only now recovered from the food coma that I was in for the last three hours. I'm now going to bed to ensure that I have enough sustenance to deal with all the food related plans that I have for tomorrow. Good night, and hope you have a good food-related weekend!
I'm not going to lie, most of this week has been spent eating and shopping. I'm staying with one of my best friends for part of the trip, so there has also been a lot of "chin wagging" going on. That's right - apparently I talk so much that I'm considered a "chin wagger". Certain people from the Land of the Queen coined this phrase to specifically be able to describe just how much I talk. One day when I'm done being mad about it, I might even find it amusing.
Anyway, I digress. Due to the fact that I'm only back for ten days, each meal matters. So the day I landed, I went to the nearest Chipotle, had a veggie burrito bowl, and cried in joy after the first bite. After being able to check off one of the food joints off my long list of restaurants, I made my way to Fifth Ave. By this time, the wind had picked up and I was also under the influence of food, so before I knew it, I was walking out of Aerosoles with a pair of boots. I don't quite remember how that happened. One minute I was simultaneously cursing the gods because of the frigid weather and thanking them for inventing Chipotle, and next minute I found myself holding a pair of brown suede boots. I guess god does work in mysterious ways.
The next day, I went to Crate and Barrel with a handy list of 54 items that I needed to buy for my new apartment in Zurich. I ended up buying out pretty much the entire store. I believe they shut down right after I was done because they ran out of everything. In fact, I bought so much stuff that I needed to make three trips to carry it all back to my friend's apartment. I made two trips that day alone, and decided to make the third and final trip the following day.
I went to Macys yesterday, and I kid you not, I just lost it. Do you know just how hard it is to find petite clothing in Europe, where everyone is 800ft. tall? You think solving the economic crisis is challenging? Try being five feet tall in a country where the average woman is 5'8. You will understand devastation. And only when you have experienced such devastation will you truly appreciate the power of Macys. Swimming in a sea of petite sized clothing and hanging out with Michael Kors handbags while coveting Via Spiga shoes was just too much for me to handle. I was walking around the store looking like a freak, with a huge smile plastered on my face. I think I scared all the sales associates at the store. One of them even came up to me and asked me if I was alright. I have lived in New York long enough to realize that no one really smiles here, so I immediately understood her concern and rearranged my face to depict a sulk, which was a much more appropriate look for the city.
After I was done with Macys, I went to Kati Roll (another one of the places from my list) for a quick lunch, and suddenly found myself holding four different dresses in the dressing room at Lord and Taylor. The exact events that led to me getting possession of these clothes are a blur, much like the Aerosoles incident from the night before. By this time, exhaustion was starting to rear its ugly head, but I was determined not to let it win. So I decided to mix it up a little and ended up going to Barnes and Noble for a bit and picked up a few books.
All this culminated in me going to Crate and Barrel to pick up part 3 of my shopping collection. Even the sales associate who brought out the remaining items from the warehouse looked at me in awe. Probably because he was thinking, "how can a tiny person like you POSSIBLY need SO. MUCH. STUFF?" But I like to awe people and boggle their mind, so I just gave him my best mysterious look and left the store with a grand total of 4 bags and 3 boxes. The associate wasn't sure how I'd even make it out of the store with so much stuff. But if there's one thing a woman knows, it's how to shop AND how to haul it all back.
This weekend, I've decided to take a mini-break from shopping, in order to devote all my attention to eating. I am visiting family in Jersey, and have only now recovered from the food coma that I was in for the last three hours. I'm now going to bed to ensure that I have enough sustenance to deal with all the food related plans that I have for tomorrow. Good night, and hope you have a good food-related weekend!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Less than 12 hours to go
before I fly out to New York. Any normal person would be busy packing at this point in time. But me? I'm looking up vacation spots in Europe, reading about quantum entanglement (don't even get me started on that), listening to Lady Antebellum, and making a list of all the restaurants I want to hit while I'm in town. Oh and I'm also fantasizing about the day when I'll have Charlize Theron's physique so I can parade around at the beach in a swimsuit. All this, while having some ice-cream, of course. I need help. Or more dessert. Or something.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Nearly a year later...
I'll be visiting New York again in a week! I need to go back to wrap some loose ends, get all my stuff out of storage and have it shipped over to Zurich, since this is now my temporary permanent home. I am already daydreaming about:
- FOOD
- SHOPPING
- catching up with family
- catching up with friends
- dessert
- brunch anywhere in the Meatpacking district
- Falafel at 2am in the West Village
I have at least twenty other things to add to that list, but they all basically pertain to either eating or shopping. My pre-Zurich life was so vastly different from my current one that I don't know how much of it I'll even remember or recognize! It will still make for an interesting story, I'm sure :)
- FOOD
- SHOPPING
- catching up with family
- catching up with friends
- dessert
- brunch anywhere in the Meatpacking district
- Falafel at 2am in the West Village
I have at least twenty other things to add to that list, but they all basically pertain to either eating or shopping. My pre-Zurich life was so vastly different from my current one that I don't know how much of it I'll even remember or recognize! It will still make for an interesting story, I'm sure :)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Believe in magic!
Credit Card companies do, so why shouldn't you? Confused? Let me explain:
Once upon a time, a lifetime ago really, I had a credit card with a company - let's just call them ABC. Being Indian, I'm genetically inclined to never have any balance to carry forward on my card, and always pay my monthly balance in full. Ever since I moved to Zurich, I've only used one credit card from the US, and that too mostly for bigger purchases. Just for fun, I was checking my online statements for all my cards last night. That's right - some people watch TV for fun. Me, I check all my dormant credit cards' balances online.
To my shock and horror, I discovered that one of my cards had a past due bill for interest payment to the tune of $330. Which would have been fine, if not for one teeny tiny little fact: the balance on the card was $0. That's correct, I was charged interest that's equivalent to 1/3rd of a Gucci bag on a $0 balance.
Once I was over my shock and awe at this ridiculousness, I called their customer service number, where an obviously Indian girl introduced herself as "Patricia". I felt like telling her, "Honey, if you are Patricia, then I am Ms. Universe, and we ALL know that that's not true!" But I indulged her by letting her think that I totally thought she was indeed Patricia. She asked me to explain the issue to her. Of course, she couldn't really do anything so I got passed around to three other people. By this time, my rage issues had started to make a grand return. I closed my eyes and imagined hundreds of cupcakes waiting for me, which helped calm me down. Sadly, only food-related thoughts can help me relax now. This situation has now become dire. Anyway, I finally spoke with someone who had superpowers and could help me with my situation! This person said that he could indeed see this $330 interest past due on my statement, but couldn't figure out where it came from! I guess it just "magically" appeared!
After a bit of head scratching by both of us, he agreed to waive the balance, which was good because it had no basis to exist in the first place. I was thoroughly disgusted by all of this, and once he helpfully waived the interest on a non-existent balance, I proceeded to close my account with ABC Bank. This taught me an important lesson - magic is not limited to Disney alone...even credit card companies believe in it! Now I'm going to go play with my Harry Potter magic wand and see if I can conjure up some spells...anything is possible at this point!
Once upon a time, a lifetime ago really, I had a credit card with a company - let's just call them ABC. Being Indian, I'm genetically inclined to never have any balance to carry forward on my card, and always pay my monthly balance in full. Ever since I moved to Zurich, I've only used one credit card from the US, and that too mostly for bigger purchases. Just for fun, I was checking my online statements for all my cards last night. That's right - some people watch TV for fun. Me, I check all my dormant credit cards' balances online.
To my shock and horror, I discovered that one of my cards had a past due bill for interest payment to the tune of $330. Which would have been fine, if not for one teeny tiny little fact: the balance on the card was $0. That's correct, I was charged interest that's equivalent to 1/3rd of a Gucci bag on a $0 balance.
Once I was over my shock and awe at this ridiculousness, I called their customer service number, where an obviously Indian girl introduced herself as "Patricia". I felt like telling her, "Honey, if you are Patricia, then I am Ms. Universe, and we ALL know that that's not true!" But I indulged her by letting her think that I totally thought she was indeed Patricia. She asked me to explain the issue to her. Of course, she couldn't really do anything so I got passed around to three other people. By this time, my rage issues had started to make a grand return. I closed my eyes and imagined hundreds of cupcakes waiting for me, which helped calm me down. Sadly, only food-related thoughts can help me relax now. This situation has now become dire. Anyway, I finally spoke with someone who had superpowers and could help me with my situation! This person said that he could indeed see this $330 interest past due on my statement, but couldn't figure out where it came from! I guess it just "magically" appeared!
After a bit of head scratching by both of us, he agreed to waive the balance, which was good because it had no basis to exist in the first place. I was thoroughly disgusted by all of this, and once he helpfully waived the interest on a non-existent balance, I proceeded to close my account with ABC Bank. This taught me an important lesson - magic is not limited to Disney alone...even credit card companies believe in it! Now I'm going to go play with my Harry Potter magic wand and see if I can conjure up some spells...anything is possible at this point!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New Year, new me?
Let's be honest, that's never going to happen. No matter what the year, my insanity will never go away. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or for people like me, an awesome National Day of Eating. I just got back from spending ten blissful days in England, as a result of which I feel like I'm part British, and hence from now on, I'm going to use words like "reckon" and "knackered" on a frighteningly regular basis. All this shall take place while sipping a cup of tea, with an outstretched pinky finger, of course!
Speaking of the New Year, did any of us make any new year resolutions? Mine is to lose the ten pounds that I have been trying to lose for the last one hundred years, in addition to losing the five that I gained over the break, and to finally be beach ready. If history repeats itself, then this resolution will soon fall by the wayside to make room for cookies and cake. And fondue. And chocolates. And...okay I think you get the idea.
2010 pretty much changed my life, by taking me halfway across the world and bringing some truly amazing people in my life. I'm blessed to have had the opportunities that I did, and grateful for the love and support of some truly amazing friends and a special someone. I hope this year continues to surprise me, in the best possible way. For now, let's enjoy these last few moments of lingering holiday laziness and peace, before the new year begins full throttle. I "reckon" I'm now going to practice my "loveleh" British accent and try to convince the residents of Switzerland that I am, in fact, British, dahling! And I'm going to ask anyone who doubts my "Britishness" to "bugger off"! Cheers!
Speaking of the New Year, did any of us make any new year resolutions? Mine is to lose the ten pounds that I have been trying to lose for the last one hundred years, in addition to losing the five that I gained over the break, and to finally be beach ready. If history repeats itself, then this resolution will soon fall by the wayside to make room for cookies and cake. And fondue. And chocolates. And...okay I think you get the idea.
2010 pretty much changed my life, by taking me halfway across the world and bringing some truly amazing people in my life. I'm blessed to have had the opportunities that I did, and grateful for the love and support of some truly amazing friends and a special someone. I hope this year continues to surprise me, in the best possible way. For now, let's enjoy these last few moments of lingering holiday laziness and peace, before the new year begins full throttle. I "reckon" I'm now going to practice my "loveleh" British accent and try to convince the residents of Switzerland that I am, in fact, British, dahling! And I'm going to ask anyone who doubts my "Britishness" to "bugger off"! Cheers!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Happy Holidays!
Dearie me - I can't believe it's been nearly a month since my last blog update! The following has happened in these past few weeks:
- I signed a new contract to stay in Zurich for an indefinite period of time. Or at least until I've managed to eat every single piece of Swiss chocolate that I can lay my hands on.
- I went to Paris during Christmastime, and had the most wonderful time with someone wonderful. There was an attack of the snow, but it made everything that much more beautiful:
- Because of the holidays, there are chocolates everywhere, especially at work. As a result, I have now turned into a zombie who just trolls all the floors in the office building, looking for my next chocolate fix. I walk up to random people's desks, take any chocolate that I see lying around, and then walk away. I hear there's talk of staging an intervention to help me make it out of this. I hope they have chocolate at the rumored intervention.
- A direct side-effect of the above situation has been an exponential expansion of my ass. It is as wide as Pluto the planet now and shows no signs of shrinking anytime soon.
- I hosted my first cheese fondue dinner, and it was heavenly! I would like to show you pictures of said event, but I was too busy eating all the food to remember to take pictures.
- I have been eating so much fondue that I'm basically starting to look like one.
- I upheld my annual December tradition, and lost one glove last week. I now have five left hand gloves, because I keep losing the right one on a different mode of public transport. Every year. For five years in a row. Just one of the many reasons why I need therapy.
- Managed to take some pictures of the Christmas tree at Paradeplatz:
- And took some pictures of Zurich in winter:
I'm now off to London for Christmas and to Birmingham for New Year's Eve. So in case I don't get around to updating this blog anytime soon, here's wishing everyone Happy Holidays and hope you have a wonderful New Year!
- I signed a new contract to stay in Zurich for an indefinite period of time. Or at least until I've managed to eat every single piece of Swiss chocolate that I can lay my hands on.
- I went to Paris during Christmastime, and had the most wonderful time with someone wonderful. There was an attack of the snow, but it made everything that much more beautiful:
- Because of the holidays, there are chocolates everywhere, especially at work. As a result, I have now turned into a zombie who just trolls all the floors in the office building, looking for my next chocolate fix. I walk up to random people's desks, take any chocolate that I see lying around, and then walk away. I hear there's talk of staging an intervention to help me make it out of this. I hope they have chocolate at the rumored intervention.
- A direct side-effect of the above situation has been an exponential expansion of my ass. It is as wide as Pluto the planet now and shows no signs of shrinking anytime soon.
- I hosted my first cheese fondue dinner, and it was heavenly! I would like to show you pictures of said event, but I was too busy eating all the food to remember to take pictures.
- I have been eating so much fondue that I'm basically starting to look like one.
- I upheld my annual December tradition, and lost one glove last week. I now have five left hand gloves, because I keep losing the right one on a different mode of public transport. Every year. For five years in a row. Just one of the many reasons why I need therapy.
- Managed to take some pictures of the Christmas tree at Paradeplatz:
- And took some pictures of Zurich in winter:
I'm now off to London for Christmas and to Birmingham for New Year's Eve. So in case I don't get around to updating this blog anytime soon, here's wishing everyone Happy Holidays and hope you have a wonderful New Year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
