The world is coming to an end

Why, you ask? Because something incredible is happening as we speak. Something no one thought possible. Something that will go down in annals of history as the definining moment that changed the world as we know it. Generations have waited for this moment. Protests were launched for it. People risked their lives for it. And the moment is this: I'm going on a diet.

Yes, you read it right, and you read it here first. I am going on a 7-day detox diet. You may have thought that I was going to comment on the crisis in Egypt, but there's enough coverage about that historic event already. On the other hand, not a SINGLE newspaper has come to me to talk about my diet. So I've decided to take matters in my own hands and blog about it.

You see, when I got back from New York earlier this week, I planned to blog about all the insane amount of food I had eaten there. And believe me when I say this: it was insane. Just making a list of all the different things I ate took up an entire page. Going through the list also helped me resolve the mystery of my expanding waistline. I knew that something had to be done. And so I decided to do the 7-day detox diet, not really to lose weight, but mainly to cleanse my palate, so I can try to stop being in a constant state of craving. Today is Day 1, which is only fruit and veggie soup. To say that it's not going well would be an understatement. I see cupcakes floating around me, and people are starting to look like banana pudding. I'm sure there's something wrong with this picture, but I just can't figure out what.

On a related note, I'm sure you are aware that there is a lot of eveil in this world. And some of these evil people have no shame and would never think twice about sitting next to you in the cafeteria with a plateful of raclette, KNOWING that you are on a diet. I demand that such people be slapped. Some other people will also have no shame and will bring up the names of all the wonderful things that you ate while in New York. Such people's heads need to be shaved. And on that not-at-all violent note, I'm going to make me a wonderful fruit salad and have some delicious (not) soup. If I'm alive this time next week, I'll be back. If not, well, it was good knowing you. May the force be with you. Amen.

Less than 12 hours to go

before I fly out to New York. Any normal person would be busy packing at this point in time. But me? I'm looking up vacation spots in Europe, reading about quantum entanglement (don't even get me started on that), listening to Lady Antebellum, and making a list of all the restaurants I want to hit while I'm in town. Oh and I'm also fantasizing about the day when I'll have Charlize Theron's physique so I can parade around at the beach in a swimsuit. All this, while having some ice-cream, of course. I need help. Or more dessert. Or something.

Things I don't miss about New York

Along the heels of the Top Five things I miss about New York, I had compiled a list of a few things that I didn't miss about the Big Apple. But after reading my blog, and then reading this article, another friend of mine, who also moved from New York to Zurich, went a little bit crazy and compiled a list of 32 things that he hated about New York. His list was so hilarious that I decided to post a few items from it, with permission, of course:

- Grand Central Terminus

- Taking NJ Transit

- People always wanting to go to a specific place

- People lying all the time by saying, "Queens is not SO bad after all"

- People exaggerating the size of their apartments

- People not admitting that a rat in the house is ACTUALLY disgusting

- People always demanding that YOU do something fun on the weekend, because if you dont, like OMG, like you are such a loser! What do you mean you will cook and read???WTF!

- Every one pretending to be making 'six figures' or more, even when they are barely scraping by

- Plainsboro NJ (or anywhere with no hot dog vendors and traffic, sirens and smoke) being considered quaint

- Anyone (which is mostly everyone) who walks around the city with their eyebrows perpetually in a raised position

- People running to catch subway trains, knowing there's another one coming

- Guys standing around swiping subway cards for no reason

- Women yelling at their kids to 'shut the f#$k up'

You may not agree whole heartedly with everything on it, but you must admit, it does make for an interesting read!

What do I miss about New York?

I've been here for close to six months now, which seems incredibly long, and yet the time here went by unbelievably quickly. In honor of this realization, I thought I'd compile a list of the Top Five things that I miss about New York:

- FALAFEL. I can't explain how much. Indian Food. Thai Food. Food. FOOD FOOD FOOD.

- Shopping. The next time I'm in New York, I'm going to hug Macys, make out with Ann Taylor, and have a wild fling with Banana Republic.

- Lifelong friends - and the convenience of just picking up the phone and yapping with them for hours, or making an emergency Viniero's strawberry cake run at 2am.

- Grocery stores being open on Sundays - I never thought I'd miss Whole Foods as much as I do!

- The energy of a big city - the hustle and bustle, and the rudeness, and the jaywalking.


The list of Top FIVE things that I don't miss will be up tomorrow! I know at least half the things in the above list are food related, but honestly, would you really expect anything different? Can anyone else who's an expat relate to any of the above? Or is it just me?

Something new

Lately, things have been...interesting. I'm trying something new - I'm trying to "live in the present." This doesn't mean I still won't plan far in the future when it comes to food - it just means that when it comes to life, I'm not going to freak about what's going to happen five years from now and just...be. I'm trying to embrace the chaos. Or at least not let it drown me. My brother asked me to "stop being a moron and behave like a normal human being." We all know how difficult being normal is for me. An attempt, however, needs to be made. One thing's for sure - a lot of ice cream, cake, and chocolate is the the only way this whole "enjoying the moment" thing is gonna happen. But I'm going to see if I can do what Jack Johnson would like me to:



I guess we'll soon find out!

No matter how dumb I am...

and I
can
be
pretty
dumb,
I will never be dumb enough to pull this. Amen.

Facebook "Like" of the week

"Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies."

This week is killing me, but I'm hoping to be slightly less dead on Sunday and finally blog about Paris. Right now, my knee pain is back, my tooth hurts, and I'm googling "how to make your ear pop" because my left ear has been blocked since Monday. Now you understand why I had to finish a pint of ice cream this week? Hope you're all having a better week than I am!

Aaaand I'm back!

I'm back from London; had an amazing time there! It's a LOT different from what it used to be about four years ago, when I lived there for a few months. Overall, it just felt so damn good to be in a big, English-as-the-main-language city, full of hustle and bustle, and feel the beat of a big city once again. I've got loads to share, but I need to unpack, do laundry, eat, watch True Blood, watch Mad Men, have a long debate about whether or not I want to have dessert, probably end up having some dessert, and do the dishes, before I can really talk about the trip. In the mean time, one of these things didn't happen on the trip - I'll let you try and figure out which one it was:

1) I did takeout before I even reached my friend's apartment in London
2) I got a papercut on my arm
3) When doing takeout, I was asked, "Is this for two people or three?"
4) I had to wake up at 3:30am to catch the first flight back to Zurich and go to work
5) I hugged clothes in the Petite section in stores
6) I finally turned down an offer of food

Will either be back later today or most likely tomorrow with the first snippets. Until then, keep guessin'!

UPDATE: I JUST WATCHED LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE OF TRUE BLOOD AND I AM @#$%$^%$. THIS SHOW HAS TAKEN AWAY MY ABILITY TO TYPE IN LOWER CAPS. HOLY COW. WHAT AN EPISODE. SUFFICE TO SAY, DETAILS ABOUT LONDON WILL HAVE TO WAIT. WOW.

I'll Stand By You

When I started this blog, I decided that it would be a non-political one. Those of you who have known me for a while know that I have very *ahem* strong opinions on all things political. So if I started talking politics here, this could quickly derail into just another political blog, and the idea of talking about Zurich and my experiences here would be nothing but a distant memory.

But something pretty monumental happened today that I think deserves a mention. Prop 8, an intensely discriminatory ballot initiative that was voted into law in California has been ruled unconstitutional. As someone who has long propagated equal rights for all human beings, regardless of their race, religion, gender, and orientation, you can imagine how happy this makes me feel. In fact, I was so happy this morning that I decided to be a good girl only had one lunch. And one dinner. I just hope that people finally do the right thing and realize that discrimination under the veil of moral outrage and societal concerns is still discrimination.

In honor of this decision, I'm going to share a story with you that I absolutely, positively, never wanted anyone to be aware of. But such is my joy that I am going to reverse my decision and post it, for your amusement, as always:

During my first couple of weeks in Zurich, I went to Blue Monkey, a really good Thai restaurant for dinner with some colleagues who are visiting from New York. The restaurant itself was one of the better places I had been to here in Zurich. Food was good, conversation was interesting. As usual, I zoned out when I was getting intimately acquainted with my green curry and fried rice, so details of the conversation, of course, cannot be recalled. I do remember that at the end of the meal, we were satiated, and decided to forgo dessert (a heartbreaking decision for me, but I was outvoted). The waitress started to clear the table, and in the process, took a burning candle off the table and promptly poured a generous amount of melted wax on my wonderful and recently washed black pants. I watched the whole thing happen in slow motion, certain that the wax wouldn't find itself attached to my pants. But oh how wrong was I!

Now I don't know about you, but having a huge blob of melted wax covering a majority of your pants doesn't exactly scream "fashion". At first, everyone at the table was in shock. Then everyone started laughing. Actually, they didn't laugh out loud, but I'm sure in their head they were cracking up. The waitress profusely apologized and confessed that that day was her first day at work. I felt bad and decided not to demand free dessert, which I totally deserved. I covered the white on black with a tablecloth while we were seated, and wore my overcoat as soon as we got up to leave. I was clutching the overcoat so tightly around me, you'd think I had a million dollars hiding underneath it. Instead, I was hiding melted wax on black pants.

Tell me honestly - do you know anyone else who had hot wax poured on their black pants at a restaurant? Why do such things only happen to me - and that too on a global level? What have I done to deserve such things? Let us together find an answer, for I cannot solve this mystery alone.

"I never thought I was smart enough to get depressed, but here I am."

Is anyone else watching True Blood this season? If you are, then the title of this post will make complete sense to you. If you're not, then I just want to let you know that I am not depressed. Sad about living in a currently ice-creamless apartment, but definitely not depressed.True Blood keeps blowing me away on a regular basis. I laugh, cringe, swoon, salivate, and get grossed out all at the same time. Can't wait for next week's episode!

This weekend was amazing, food-wise (going forward, just remember, if something is amazing, it's most likely due to a food related activity). Fellow True Bloodies (Blooders?) Julie and Carla hosted a housewarming party at their place this weekend. Since I've sampled their cooking before, I most certainly didn't want to be in a situation where I'd show up and all the food was gone, so I came up with a strategy: I decided to show up at their place well in advance, under the pretext of "helping them out." And boy am I glad I did that. There were three different kinds of empanadas, amazing chili cheese enchiladas, corn salsa, pico de gallo, roasted red pepper and garlic hummus, chocolate chip cookies, an assortment of meat dishes, and sangria. This is what the spread looked like, and the reason why I had to employ my strategy of showing up early:



Here's the roasted red pepper and garlic hummus, veggies, and pico de gallo:



The rest of the evening was also a lot of fun. I'd love to give you details about the guests and share some interesting anecdotes, but I was basically in a food coma approximately sixty minutes after I got to their place. In fact, the coma got so bad at one point that I physically couldn't stand and had to lie down on their couch. Yes, I have to lie down on couches now because I can't control my eating.

I reluctantly made my way back way too early, which, in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do, for the eating would not have stopped any other way. As it was, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking how full I was. But it was worth it. My only regret: I forgot to take leftovers back with me. I cried the entire train ride back. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I really did. Little children ran away in fear. Oh well, it was worth it. Now if only I can get myself to stop dreaming about the cookies...

I've Got to See You Again

Today was traumatizing, food-wise. Actually, that's not really true. I had pasta for lunch, so there was some measure of emotional satisfaction until mid-afternoon. As today is Wednesday, I went to the Wednesday Market after a long, long time. There is a British Cheese stall there, which is a local hang out of sorts for expats. I made plans with a couple of friends to meet up, have some cheese, laugh, and have some more cheese.

On my way there, I began to remember all the different food stalls that are put up at the market, and I was hit with a sudden and unsuppressed craving for Falafel. I was almost delusional in my need for it, and the first thing I did after I quickly said hi to my friend was to line up for the Falafel. Imagine my shock and horror when I discovered that the Lebanese stall had no falafel this week! "No Falafel", I shrieked. "How is this even possible? What kind of a country is this? How does the government even allow such things to happen? Surely this must be illegal!" I thought. Yes, I think in exclamations. It has been known to happen when food is involved. Desperate, I asked the other expats if they were aware of any other stall at the Market that sold Falafel. Alas, the answer came back negative. I was this close to tears. I was suddenly questioning everything. If I can't get my Falafel, then what's the point in living, I ask you? My friend Julie could see tears well up in my eyes and immediately tried to distract me with some Greek food. Before I even knew what hit me, I found myself working my way through a Spinach pie.

The momentary distraction did a good enough job of stopping the tears, but as soon as the pie was consumed, my sense of loss at the lack of Falafel returned. Desolate, I decided to make my way back home. On the way out, I managed to buy some cheese from the British cheese stall and also picked up a Samosa from an Indian stall. But nothing filled the gap that Falafel had left - both in my heart and in my belly. Ever since I made it back to the apartment and demolished the samosa, I've been listening to Norah Jones' I've Got To See You Again - a song that truly captures my current state of mind:

Deep thoughts

Who is LeBron James and why do I care if he is moving to some other city to be paid millions of dollars for dunking a ball? Anyone who says, "I've done some great things in my seven years and I want to continue doing them" deserves to be slapped.