The burden of Celebrity

One of the things that our organization does is something called "Spotlight", where a different employee every month is asked about their background, current job description, their career aspirations, etc, and these are then shared on the company's internal website for everyone within the firm. This month, I was asked if I wanted to be in the Spotlight. Fame, my dears, is addictive. After my claim to fame earlier this month, I was hooked. I readily agreed. So, I signed myself up to do yet another interview to promote my line of business.

I was told that this time, we actually reserved a studio in which Matt Damon filmed The Bourne Ultimatum. Actually, it was a small office with a camera, but I like my version better. I requested for a Black Limo with champagne. I ended up taking a tram there with my agent/producer AB. The makeup man was running late, so I had to do my own makeup. In the tram. You can understand how traumatic this is for a budding starlet like me. I also didn't get my gold door knob'd trailer, even though I explicitly asked for one earlier in the week. And who knew ostrich were endangered and hence their feathers couldn't be used to provide me with ostrich feathered hand towels? I threw a fit and they calmed me down with bottled water. It wasn't even rose flavored. The scenes that ensued were quite ugly. My agent finally distracted me with chocolate and I agreed to do the interview.

I can now say that I have inside information on why actors need to wear so much makeup: the big huge spot lights are really hot and melt a lot of the makeup. We were waiting for the camera guy to lower the camera as we decided to conduct the interview sitting down. I had requested for a leather couch, but got a plastic chair instead. I've made it very clear that I'm never doing another interview until my basic demands of a trailer and leather couch are met. As we sat to do the interview, I asked the cameraman if the camera really does add ten pounds. I was now regretting having that Movenpick as my second dinner. Thankfully, I was wearing a black jacket. Any self respecting woman knows that black is a slimming color. Unfortunately, I don't think it's going to be very useful in hiding the fatness on my face.

The interview itself was fairly quick - just a few Q and A. Since I have so much natural talent, the entire shot was filmed in just one take. I'm glad this was a video interview because this way my words can't be taken out of context. The last thing I have time for is to issue denials about things I may or may not have said about people I may or may not like. We wrapped everything up in about 20 minutes and headed back. In a tram. I was very late for my next photo shoot. Still no trailer. I'm going to talk to my Union rep about this.

The interview I did tonight is really my audition tape for my soon-to-be-launched movie career. I’m currently looking for a manager and an assistant. Please speak with my agent about required qualifications. My PR person arrives next week, so we're all set there. In the mean time, debate: What's a good color on me for the Red Carpet - Black, or Pink?

P.S: I'm off to Germany tomorrow afternoon to visit my dearest friend Inga, whom I have not seen in almost nine years! In that time, she married a sweetheart of a guy and had a baby, whereas I resorted to eating two lunches a day. So we have a lot to catch up on. Come back on Monday to hear all about my visit to Nurenberg!